Early Morning Jokes for March 4 -- Tony Peyser

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Early Morning Jokes
by Tony Peyser

Why do Republicans feel they can make voters think Obama is a Muslim? Because they convinced millions of Americans that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9-11.

Top Hillary staffers are publicly blaming each other for what's gone wrong in the campaign. Chief pollster Mark Penn swears he's only "an outside message advisor with no campaign staff reporting to me." I'm not saying Penn is a lying spin-meister trying to cover his ass but ... actually, that is what I'm saying.

John McCain insists he's the best candidate prepared to deal with a dead of night national emergency, not his Democratic rivals. Oddly enough, he said it isn't because of his experience but because he recently switched to orange-flavored Metamucil.

Hillary raises many questions about Obama. My question is: why she does think she's the answer?

Speaking of McCain, he recently pushed the gullible White House press corps deeper in his pocket as he invited them to his home in Sedona for a barbecue. To get reporters to do a candidate's bidding in the past might have included blackmail. Now it's just some baby back ribs.

Sharpe James, mayor of Newark for more than 20 years, is on trial for corruption that included taking trips with several women -- other than his wife -- to Martha's Vineyard, Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic, and Rio de Janeiro. I imagine his lawyers tried to seat an all-male jury.

eHarmony should try to appeal to a new audience: people looking for quick, casual sex. They can promote it by promising 29 minutes of compatibility.

And finally: roughly one-third of people in a new survey said they had fallen asleep or become very sleepy at work in the past month. The figure may even be higher because it seems some participants dozed off while filling out the questionnaire.

Tony Peyser provides daily poems and weekly cartoons for BuzzFlash and also wrote the BuzzFlash column, "Blue State Jukebox." He was a daily cartoonist for the L.A. Times from 1994 to 1997. You can e-mail Tony at tonypeyser@yahoo.com.

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