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Early Morning Jokes for November 8 -- Tony Peyser

Submitted by BuzzFlash on Thu, 11/08/2007 - 10:24am.
From 1994-1997, I drew daily cartoons for Laugh Lines, the L.A. Times' humor page. I also wrote topical jokes every day. Since the WGA is now on strike, there will be no new shows from the likes of Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O' Brien, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert. Since they've cornered the late-night market, I've decided to stake out a different time of day to call my own.

Welcome to ...

Early Morning Jokes
by Tony Peyser

A Pakistani protester's sign said, "Go Musharaf Go." The second "r" in Musharraf's last name was missing and the use of "go" accidentally indicates encouragement, i.e., "Go, Red Sox, Go!" This suggests a) bad planning or b) that Pakistani writers of protest signs -- like U.S. screen & TV writers -- are on strike.

Former UN weapons inspector Hans Blix fears the United States has a secret plan to stay in Iraq. Hans, we're building an embassy there the size of the Vatican. You don't do that if you're planning to tiptoe out before checkout time.

According to a new Gallup poll, George W. Bush is now less popular than Richard Nixon ever was. In fact, in a hypothetical race, Mr. Bush would even lose to Heather Mills.

In a meeting with President Bush, French President Nicolas Sarkozy happily declared, "We love America." He then added, "It's Cecilia, that philandering bitch ex-wife of mine, that I hate."

GM lost $39 billion in its third quarter. To put things in perspective, that's about as much money as we just spent in Iraq since you started reading this joke.

In Missouri, the Highway Patrol is testing a device that can detect microscopic traces of methamphetamine. An easier way to find this information is to ask a suspect to smile. A pretty good indicator is if they don't have any teeth.

One out of four vets is homeless. Expect a Republican somewhere to soon try and spin this by saying, "If they'd had houses, they'd have foreclosed by now and the economy would be in even worse shape."

And finally ... an Oregon ballot measure to raise taxes on cigarettes was defeated after tobacco companies spent $12 million to oppose it. This was one of those cases where doing something deceptive just required smoke but no mirrors.

Tony Peyser provides daily poems and weekly cartoons for BuzzFlash and also writes the BuzzFlash column, "Blue State Jukebox." He was a daily cartoonist for the L.A. Times from 1994 to 1997. You can e-mail Tony at tonypeyser@yahoo.com.




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