BF Contest with Prize: What Would Bush Have Been if His Last Name Were Smith?

"With a time machine and some RU-486 you could make this question moot" I bet G.H.W. Bush has been kicking himself in the head for 60 years that he didn't stop at the drugstore for a condom the day his idiot spawn was conceived. That taught him not to be in a hurry!

First of all, without the family legacy, he would not have gotten into any college of note, maybe into a community college. There, if we are to be guided by his trajectory at Yale, he would have gravitated to the fringe sports areas and probably been a cheerleader, if they even had a team. Since his sadistic tendencies presented at least as early as college, we can assume that GWSmith would have gotten into some trouble for hazing other students. His ego and alcoholism would have gotten him into repeated trouble with women, who found him charming but abusive. The combination of alcoholism and lack of parental support would probably have led to his early dismissal or voluntary quitting college short of the required two years. With no degree, he would have only been able to get work in retail, where he had trouble holding a job. His parents refused to underwrite any more malingering so he enlisted in the army, not having the credits for the air force. Thus he was sent to Viet Nam, where he deserted and made his way to Thailand. After ten years there, he returned to the States under the assumed name of George Walker. Utilizing his contacts from East Asia, he ran a drug operation for a dozen or so years until he was caught and charged as one of the kingpins of the drug trade in Texas. He is still serving his 23 year sentence in a federal prison.

George W. Smith is the manager of a ½A-level minor league baseball team, the Crawford (TX) Turd Blossoms, an affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies, the team with the most total losses over its franchise's history (10,136 as of 19 July 2009). The difference between this minor league team and others is that its roster is mostly composed not of young players on their way up but steroid-wasted has-beens on their way out. Any player that shows the slightest bit of promise is immediately transferred to the Lakewood BlueClaws, the Phillies' South Atlantic League A-level affiliate.

With a time machine and some RU-486 you could make this question moot.

Anna Nicole.

GW would be a drug pusher, just like he and everyone in the Bush family have been for generations. He's a megalomaniac and a psychopath with no skills -- so he'd be no better than a ghetto kingpin.

An alcoholic drifter who couldn't keep a job, a relationship, or a family together. An unwilling and not terribly competent worker, with few saleable skills. A handcrusher and backslapper whose hearty exclamations and greetings upon entering the saloon meant absolutely nothing because there was nothing behind them in the first place. I trust this answers your question.

Possible happy.

General Smith, Medal of Honor recipient from Vietnam, who resigned as vice-president under Al Gore after personally commanding the shoot down of four terrorist airplaines on Sept 11, 2001, died today of natural causes.

Is there a point to this 'contest' outside of a junior high school level person bashing event? Believe me when I say that I can't find enough words to disparage Bush, his Presidency, or his apparent perspective. With this, however, I see little purpose in spending time coming up with yet more juvenile insults. Progressives really do seem to have a difficult time figuring out how to apply their energy and often honest anger... For the record, however, if an alternative W hadn't been born with the proverbial silver spoon up his...well....born with the proverbial silver spoon in his hand, he would have been the same as most of the rest of us. That is, having to live with and live down his own errors while figuring out how to make a living, have health insurance, and get by on his own volition. Of course, any arrests for his addictions, as did happen to W, would have meant that he would have likely spent jail time and, perhaps, lost his right to vote or be a participating member of the American electorate. He wouldn't have had the raft of sycophants protecting him and providing him artificial business opportunities while then buying him out of each one as he screwed things up (a reference to his forays into the oil and professional baseball industries in particular) in order to curry favor with daddy and daddy's friends. If he survived his alcoholism and drug use, Bush would have likely found himself in Vietnam and if he had been able and willing to go to college, he would have been paying off long term student loans like the many others of us have...and continue to...find necessary. Basically, W would have had to work for a living, pay taxes, and learn to get by. Above all, he would have realized early on that how things go is largely up to him rather than driven by the silver spoon.

...a beer vendor, until he got fired for drinking the product while slogging thru the ballpark

probably would have renamed himself "bush" and been as stupid as ever... :)

George Dumbya Smith would be an assistant at a local animal shelter. He would be the guy who volunteered to euthanize the un-adopted animals.

On the surface, amiable enough, helpful to customers, but inside a seething mixture of resentment and vindictiveness...Calling out and reporting his fellow co-workes and mall neighbors for all kinds of slights and offenses...Can't figure out why he keeps getting passed over for full manager promotion.

In my opinion he'd most likely just be a another stupid sheeple watching cars go around in a circle and cheering at steriod infused giants running a ball back and forth and tackleing each other. He'd have his 2.3 children , a dog, live in a mostly white neighborhood and wonder why things suck so badly. Blame gays , negroes and mexicans for our problems,fuck around on his wife but go to church on sunday and think himself an alright guy.Oh yea, he'd definately send some money 25.00 to Sara for pres.

He would have been fragged in Vietnam.

It looks as though most of us suppose G.W. Smith would be a conniving low life of some sort. I must admit that was my first post as well. Then I took a second look. Was I conflating George Walker Bush with George Walker Smith? Certainly the odius traits exhibited by George Walker Bush would lead to the conclusion that George Walker Smith would surely be the same. After all, a rose by any other name.... But then it occured to me that quite possibly the worst thing that happened to the soul who became George Walker Bush was precisely that he was born into a wealthy, power grubbing family ever on the lookout for ways accumulate even more wealth, more power. We are all to some extent the product of our environment. Perhaps if that soul had instead been brought into the world in a different environment things may have happened in a different way. Here then is the tale of George Walker Smith. George Walker Smith was born on July 6th 1946 to George Herbert Walker Smith and his wife Barbara. G.W.Smith was their first born. George H. W. Smith was a ne'er do well who had a history of his own. Born to Prescott Smith he was the 2nd son in a family of 5. Prescott was the first of his family to attend college but he never really found the success he felt was his due. He ultimately ended up working as a foreman in a ball bearing factory. The Great Depression hit the Smith family hard. Prescott was thrown out of work and found it difficult to provide for his growing family. Like many during this time he became involved with the Communist Party, seeing it as a beacon for working families like his. He became an ardent union organizer. He was a tall impressive figure with a stentorian voice that commanded immediate attention whenever he spoke. He finally settled in Hartford, Connecticut where he was able to stabilize his income. Prescott's second son G.H.W Smith was an average kid at most things but he excelled in High School baseball. He had hoped for a scholarship but WWII took him in a different direction. He served with some distinction winning a Silver Star for his service during the Battle of the Bulge. He married his childhood sweetheart immediately after his return from service in 1945. He stayed in the Hartford area where he became a used car salesman and began to raise his family. George Walker Smith, the first of six children born to George and Barbara started life as an outgoing, friendly kid. When he was 2 years of age his sister Pauline Robinson Smith was born. Young George was very close to her; he and Robin, as she was known, seemed to share things in a very profound way. Young George felt very protective of her and she returned those feelings by giving him the respect he never felt he recieved from either his mother or father. It seemed as though both his parents expected so much from him. They kept pressuring him to 'always do well' and 'make a stronger effort to succeed'. Then tragedy struck. Robin was stricken with leukemia. At the same time Prescott Smith's affiliation with the Communist Party became an issue. It was the early fifties and the 'Red Scare' was in full swing. Once Prescott's communist activity became known the family had to leave Hartford. Their fortunes, never much to speak of in any case, became even more meager. GHW Smith moved his family to New Haven and tried to start fresh but he was unable to find employment that would have allowed him to afford the necessary treatment for Robin. She died at the age of 4. Young George was devastated by her death. He blamed his father for not providing the treatment that may have extended Robin's life. Young George also began to rebel against society in general. He developed a tendency for cruelty and lack of concern for others. He began to bully other kids who he felt were weaker and wouldn't fight. As time went on he began to cause problems for the family. He was always in trouble in school. Never more than an average student at best his grades slipped even further. He started hanging out with a tough crowd, started drinking, fighting, he even stole cars for joyrides. Eventually, at age 17, in 1964 he was judged a delinquent by the Connecticut Juvenile Court system. He was given the choice to either join the Army or serve time in the Connecticut Juvenile Penal system. He chose the Army. His basic training started in September of 1964. Immediately after that he was sent directly to Vietnam. During his first tour of duty in Vietnam he began using drugs. His adictive personality led to heavy drug use while serving. He bacame reckless and unconcerned about his life. He volunteered for several more tours in Vietnam. He rose only to the rank of Corporal but he was popular with those in his unit. He was always ready to party. Near the end of his third tour he found himself stationed in Khe Sanh, during the Tet offensive. As the battle raged George swore that this would be his last tour. He resolved to finish his hitch in the Army, return to civilian life where he promised himself he would use his GI Bill rights to make something of himself. He would attend college, he thought. He would show his parents that he could do as well as anyone, even his younger brother Jeb who had been able to stay out of the service with several student deferrments. All these thoughts were running through young George's head when a mortar hit very close to his position. He started to retreat but then he saw two of his best friends wounded, screaming for help to get them away from the attack, crying for medical attention. He grabbed Pvt. John Salter, threw him over his shoulder and carrred him over a half mile to the medical tent. Both John's legs had been badly wounded. He turned John over to the medical officer and ran back for Pfc. Freddie McIntyre who had not been hit as badly as John but still could not make it back on his own. He reached Freddie just as another incoming mortar exploded with a force that left both Freddie and young George dead on the battlefield, their bodies ripped asunder. Geroge W. Smith was awarded the Purple Heart posthumously for bravery in battle. His final epitaph was twelve letters carved into a granite panel, with a plus sign: GEORGE W. SMITH +. His body was never found. His name joined the over 58,000 names that represent the senseless deaths caused by capricious politicians, who never themselves saw combat or knew war, that were willing to send other, less privileged young men and women to their deaths in a pointless, contrived war. Without a care.

No one would know anything about him, or give a crap.

Any job where you would find a Dr. Smith type loser. A foolish, self-serving, impulsive, scheming cowardly saboteur. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_in_Space#Cast

for SMITH and Wesson (I'm taking that "Smith" name literally).

He'd probably still be in prison from his DUI and cocaine arrests and his desertion from the National Guard. If he wasn't Bush he would have had to go to jail like everyone else and not have a powerful daddy clean up his messes.

Actually he might have had to work, might have studied and learned something, and never have become such a cocky bastard. Even if he never contributed to society he never would have caused so much death and destruction.

by any other name is still a Prick. That's what he'd be.

The real-life (although quite a bit sleezier) version of the Roy McAvoy character in the movie "Tin Cup." corkiesmom

George would have been a Felon on a work release program.

Daddy wouldn't have been able to clean up after him his whole life. And he would have his hand out for government benefits.

All we'd have ever heard out of him would be "Want fries with that?"

working for his dad (or any nepotistic venture) preventing the competent person from getting the promotion. Selling used cars, or insurance. (nothing against either of those professions, other than the cartoonish grifting stereotype bush would certainly be). ....jr. wouldn't be a pharma rep or financial field broker; too much work to get in, and with all of that licensing nonsense and gubmint regulation, who needs it??

Assuming G.W. Smith was suitable for gainful employment, I think his most appropriate gig would be to work as a Tijuana bartender and donkey show director who moonlights as a coke dealer.

he would now be a man trying to get his home-state of Connecticut to approve "gay marriage", so he could marry his current partner (whom he met while both were cheerleaders in college).

He would be a drunken Wal-mart greeter, if never he shows up for work.

If GWB had been GWS, and poor, the chances are that he would have not been able to avoid Vietnam. Ergo, he would have been drafted, trained and sent to 'nam. Given that his cowardice would still be intact, he may have been able to avoid being shot by running away from the battle. Certainly he would have used drugs, maybe even sold them. He would surely have been a bully. If he were able to survive Vietnam he would have returned to the streets. His tendency toward delusions of grandeur and his propensity for bullying would have led him into a life of crime centered around drugs. He would have been a low level dealer who one day would be found either dead or totally dissolute in a deserted back alley.

I suspect that George would have not gone to college.Not that his Col. degree actually helped him in his performance at all as a bush....As a Smith,I think he would have had spent time in a brig for being AWOL . Once his stint was over, he would find work as a low paying laborer at a temp place, working only when he needed cash.He would also have had multiple arrests for being a deadbeat dad of countless children w/ different women, as well as a substance abuse user with a history of abuse to women and small animals. A sociopath-thug, basically with the instinct and intelligence of a gum wrapper blowing down the midway of a Tx State Fairground.

You ask what he would be and the answer is one word: homeless. He'd be an alcoholic on the street. Richard