For Standing Up to Death Threats from Right-Wing Seditionists in Arizona, Rep. Raul Grijalva Wins BF Wings of Justice Award

Nativist Leader Kobach Detained in Arizona

Crawford Press Syndicates—Nogales, Santa Cruz County, Arizona

            Nativist attorney Kris Kobach of Kansas, who helped write Arizona’s controversial new “Papers Please” law requiring police officers to detain any person they suspect of being illegally present in the United States, has been arrested and jailed in Arizona. Touring the state from Maricopa County, where Kobach is under contract with Sheriff Joe Arpaio to train officers in the application of the new law, the Republican candidate for Kansas Secretary of State was stopped by deputies in heavily Hispanic Santa Cruz County.

            “He just didn’t look right,” said arresting deputy Miguel Garcia. “Too pale, or something. I don’t know exactly what it was, but he didn’t look right.”

            Fellow deputy Antonio Reyes agreed. “He looked out of place, like one of those Russian Mafia guys—you know how, even though they’re white, they just don’t look American? Then as we followed him for several miles, he kept slowing down and speeding up, looking in his rear-view mirror. That’s a guy who’s nervous about something. We pulled him over.”

            According to the deputies, Kobach was cooperative at first, but became antagonistic when questioned about the origins of his surname. “‘Kobach’ didn’t sound American to me. And ‘Kris’ is how they spell it in Europe,” stated Deputy Garcia. “All he could produce was a Kansas driver’s license and car registration, neither of which is adequate proof of citizenship in the state of Arizona. Under the new law, that’s probable cause, so we asked him to step out onto the pavement and initiated a search of his person and his vehicle.”

            Forced to lie on the asphalt with his hands clasped behind his head while the deputies shredded his jacket, pried open the trunk of his late-model luxury sedan with a crow bar, and sliced into the car’s leather upholstery in search of contraband or illegally concealed weapons, Kobach reportedly began to hurl a stream of abusive language at the arresting officers. At that time, according to Reyes, it became necessary to subdue Kobach with a Taser and secure his wrists to his ankles with self-tightening plastic handcuffs.

            “That’s verbal assault and impeding a police officer in the performance of his duty,” said Reyes, “and to be perfectly frank with you, I haven’t heard some of that language since I was a kid. I suspect there’s hate crime legislation that will come into play here. And some of the stuff that came out of this guy’s mouth—let’s just say there are definite terrorism concerns, too.”

            Deputies Fred Rodriguez and Jose Delgado arrived to offer assistance with the increasingly agitated Kobach. “He really started struggling when Deputy Delgado and I picked him up by the elbows and started to carry him over to the Suburban patrol vehicle,” reported Rodriguez. “At that point, we were compelled to apply reasonable force to ensure our own safety.”

            Meanwhile, Garcia and Reyes’s search of Kobach’s vehicle had struck paydirt. Among various items in Kobach’s personal luggage, the officers secured numerous doses of a popular erectile dysfunction medication for which Kobach was unable to produce a doctor’s prescription, and Sudafed, a commercial decongestant linked with methamphetamine production. “Just like Rush Limbaugh,” said Deputy Garcia. “That triggered the illicit drug provisions of our new law, and we intensified our search. I don’t know what a wild man like this had in mind, amped up on crank and Viagra, but I’m pretty sure it’s not something we want going on in our neighborhoods. Santa Cruz County is a quiet little corner of the state.” The new law, Senate Bill 1070, is comprised of several amendments to Arizona’s “Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act.”

              Lodged in solitary confinement at the Santa Cruz County Detention Center in Nogales, Kobach faces charges of resisting arrest, impeding officers in the performance of their duty, verbal assault, making threats of imminent violence, hate crimes, illegal possession of controlled substances, and undisclosed violations under the USA Patriot Act. According to County authorities, Kobach may remain in custody for some time before possible trial.

“Our initial inquiry suggests that Mr. Kobach is in fact a lawful citizen of the great state of Kansas, and thus of the United States,” stated Santa Cruz County Prosecutor Ruben Sanchez, “but just being a citizen isn’t carte blanche to do whatever you damned well please when questioned by police officers. Concerns about his citizenship status just provided probable cause for our arresting officers—Mr. Kobach did the rest on his own. Nobody’s going anywhere now until we know exactly what we’re dealing with. That car, for example, could be constructed entirely of pressed Viagra or pseudoepinephrine. We’ll take it apart nut by bolt to find out, that’s for sure.”

Kobach did not return calls to the detention center for comment.