ABC News, the Obama-Clinton Debate, and the Pressing Issues of Our Time

Both the Washington Post's wording and its placement -- buried at nearly the very bottom -- said it all: "The debate also touched on Iraq, Iran, the Middle East, taxes, the economy, guns and affirmative action."

There was scarcely time, you see, to discuss the Iraq war or the collapsing economy, because ABC News was more interested in the primetime programming of a political passion play than some dull, dry distraction of a substantive debate.

"So the problem that we have in our politics, which is fairly typical, is that you take one person’s statement, if it’s not properly phrased, and you just beat it to death," observed Sen. Obama last night. "And that’s what Senator Clinton’s been doing over the last four days."

And if Sen. Clinton isn't available, we always have Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopolous.

I'm going to assume that these two watchdogs of the public interest huddled before the debate and, as an exercise in at least feigning professional pride, asked themselves: "OK, which do we want here? Responsible broadcast journalism or tabloid pandering?" -- followed by several minutes of uninterrupted, knowing laughter. "Right. Silly question."

What an odd little show that was, and what a recurrent sucker I am. What with a couple wars going on, and going south, and an economy accompanying them, I thought Charlie and George just might devote the mother lode of their time to ... oh, let's see ... war and economics? How foolish of me.

Instead we were treated to network reruns of fallen pastors, clinging citizens, rehashed sniper fire, flag pins and 1960s bomb throwers.

No, I didn't expect a graduate seminar on macroeconomics or a Brookings Institution symposium on geopolitical strategy, but something perhaps midway between those and an abridged campaign press release would have been doable -- if only we didn't first have to ponder at length the presidential ramifications of Barack Obama having once encountered the obscure personage of a William Ayers.

"The notion that somehow as a consequence of me knowing somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8 years old, somehow reflects on me and my values doesn't make much sense," observed Obama with a befuddlement surpassed only by my own.

But ah, retorted Clinton, joining in on the good fun at the Charlie & George Show, the English professor had said something that was "deeply hurtful to people in New York ... and I have no doubt -- I know Senator Obama's a good man and I respect him greatly, but I think that this is an issue that certainly the Republicans will be raising."

The Republicans? Will be raising?

Messrs. Gibson and Stephanopolous must have suspected that they might run out of irrelevant steam at some point, so, waiting in the can were taped irrelevancies straight from Booboisie Central, such as one lady's searing question posed to Sen. Obama: "I want to know if you believe in the American flag."

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it with my own ears, and I have no idea how the Illinois senator suppressed what I would have found to be the unsuppressible urge to guffaw in disbelief. But that's just one of the many, many excellent reasons I would never in a sane moment even consider running for public office in this tribalistic freak show of a democracy.

Clinton was subjected as well to a piercing man-on-the-street question. Tom wanted to know how, after demonstrating her knack for racking up Washington Post Pinocchios with unequaled abandon, she could possibly win back his trust. "Well, Tom, I can tell you that I may be a lot of things," Clinton responded, "But I'm not dumb" -- however I am hoping and clinging to my religious faith that you and millions of others are.

Now that was a cheap shot, was it not? I'm sorry. And like Mrs. Clinton, "I'm embarrassed by it. I have apologized for it. I've said it was a mistake. And it is, I hope, something that you can look over, because clearly I am proud that I went to" the mattresses to squeeze it in before feeling obligated to apologize.

Well, damn it, there I went, delivering another cheap shot. But I do have a collective excuse. And this time, I'll let Sen. Obama speak for me:

"If it's not [the Wright thing or the 'bitter' thing or the sniper fire thing], then it would be something else. I promise you, if Senator Clinton got the nomination, there will be a whole bunch of video clips about other things. [But] the notion that somehow that the American people are going to be distracted once again ... I think doesn't give the American people enough credit."

Color Charlie and George and ABC News guilty. And may Pennsylvanians and the inspirational founders of the National Constitution Center forgive them.